“Should I insist or give in?”<\/p>\n
“Am I being too strict?”<\/p>\n
“Why does he keep reacting even though I explain?”<\/p>\n
These questions are very common in parents’ everyday lives. Raising a child involves constant small decisions, and the balance between understanding and boundaries is not always easy.<\/p>\n
Today we know how important it is to listen to children, acknowledge their feelings and respect their needs.<\/p>\n
This, however, does not mean doing away with boundaries<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Children need care and guidance at the same time. They need space to express themselves, but also a stable framework in which they can feel safe and gradually learn to manage their behaviour.<\/p>\n Boundaries help children understand what is allowed, what is not and what others expect of them.<\/p>\n In fact, a stable and predictable environment can provide security. When basic rules keep changing depending on mood or circumstances, it is harder for a young child to understand what is expected of them.<\/p>\n As they grow, through boundaries and everyday guidance they can gradually learn to wait, cope with frustration, take other people’s needs into account and take on age-appropriate responsibilities<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The goal is not obedience “at any cost”.<\/p>\n The goal is to help the child gradually acquire the skills that will one day allow them to regulate their own behaviour.<\/p>\n One of the hardest things for parents is seeing their child angry, disappointed or upset because they heard a “no”.<\/p>\n It is important to remember that acknowledging a feeling does not mean agreeing with every behaviour<\/strong>.<\/p>\n We can, for example, recognise that a child is angry because they have to stop playing, without necessarily changing the decision that it is bedtime.<\/p>\n We can accept their anger without accepting hitting.<\/p>\n We can understand their disappointment without meeting every demand.<\/p>\n In this way, the child receives two important messages at once:<\/p>\n “What you feel matters”<\/strong> and Consistency does not mean strictness.<\/p>\n Shouting, threats or punishment are not needed to make a boundary clear. Often a short, calm phrase is more effective than a long explanation when the child is already upset.<\/p>\n Boundaries work best when they are few, understandable, age-appropriate and applied fairly consistently<\/strong>.<\/p>\n And “consistency” does not mean that a parent will never change their mind. There are times when an exception makes sense, or when a rule needs to change as the child grows.<\/p>\n It mainly means that the child can understand the basic framework within which the family operates.<\/p>\n Children test boundaries. That is expected.<\/p>\n A young child may repeat a behaviour many times even though we have already said “no”. This does not necessarily mean they are ignoring us or “manipulating” us.<\/p>\n The ability to control an impulse, wait or manage a strong emotion develops gradually<\/strong>.<\/p>\n That is why parents often need to repeat the same message again and again.<\/p>\n A child does not learn a boundary because they heard it once. They learn it through repetition, experience and the consistent response of the adults around them.<\/p>\n Intense outbursts, especially in younger children, are often part of development.<\/p>\n During a big outburst of anger, a child is usually not able to listen to long explanations or have a calm discussion.<\/p>\n The priority is to keep the child and those around them safe, and for the adult, as far as possible, to remain a calm presence.<\/p>\n The discussion can happen later, once the tension has eased.<\/p>\n Sometimes the best guidance at that moment is not more words, but fewer words and more steadiness<\/strong>.<\/p>\n As the child grows, the consequences of a behaviour can become part of learning.<\/p>\n It is usually more helpful for them to be logically connected to what happened, rather than imposing unrelated or excessive punishments.<\/p>\n If, for example, a toy is being used in a way that could cause injury, it can be put away temporarily. If something was deliberately spilled or messed up, the child \u2014 depending on their age \u2014 can help tidy it up.<\/p>\n The aim is not to make them “pay” for the mistake.<\/p>\n It is for them to start understanding that our choices have consequences and that we can put right, as far as possible, what we did<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Not everything is equally important.<\/p>\n Safety, respect for others and certain basic family rules need clear boundaries. On other matters, however, we can offer choices and more autonomy.<\/p>\n A young child may not get to decide whether to sit in the car seat, but can choose which toy to take along.<\/p>\n An older child can take a bigger part in shaping the rules of their daily life.<\/p>\n As they grow, parental guidance needs to evolve: It is normal for two parents not to always share the same view on boundaries.<\/p>\n One may be more flexible and the other stricter. They don’t need to react in exactly the same way in every situation.<\/p>\n It helps, however, if they agree on certain basic rules and, above all, avoid systematically overruling each other in front of the child.<\/p>\n Consistency does not require two identical parents. It requires a basic framework the child can understand.<\/p>\n There will be days when a parent shouts more than they would like. Gives in after deciding to stand firm. Reacts out of tiredness, or handles a situation in a way they later wish they had avoided.<\/p>\n This does not cancel the relationship.<\/p>\n On the contrary, the moment after a conflict can also become part of parenting. A parent can acknowledge that they reacted badly, apologise when needed and restore the boundary in a calmer way.<\/p>\n In this way the child learns something equally important: relationships can withstand mistakes and can be repaired.<\/strong><\/p>\n Every family goes through periods with more conflict, and every child may show difficult behaviour from time to time.<\/p>\n There are cases, however, where a behaviour is worth discussing further: when it is very intense or persistent for the child’s age, when it significantly affects daily life at home or at school, when there is marked aggression, or when parents feel they have exhausted the strategies they know.<\/p>\n A family asking for help is not a failure of parenting<\/strong>. It may be the best way to understand what is happening and what this particular child needs.<\/p>\n Pediatric care is not only about weight, height, infections and vaccines.<\/p>\n A child’s behaviour, sleep, development, relationships and adjustment are also part of their overall health.<\/p>\n Knowing the child’s developmental path, the pediatrician can help parents understand which behaviours are expected for the age, discuss practical ways of managing them and recognise when further assessment or specialist support is needed.<\/p>\n Parenting does not require us to choose between tenderness and consistency.<\/p>\n A child can hear “no” and at the same time feel loved. They can be angry about a rule without that meaning the rule is wrong. And they can learn that all feelings are acceptable, without all behaviours being acceptable.<\/p>\n Parents don’t need to be perfect or to handle every difficult moment in the ideal way.<\/p>\n What they need is, as far as they can, to offer the child something far more essential:<\/p>\n consistency without harshness, understanding without an absence of boundaries, and love that does not depend on whether the child behaved “well”.<\/strong><\/p>\n Because ultimately, boundaries do not exist to control the child. They exist to give them security, guidance and room to grow.<\/strong><\/p>\n For appointments and information, contact Dr. Giannis Ritsas, pediatrician Thessaloniki<\/a> and pediatrician Evosmos<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Should I insist or give in?” “Am I being too strict?” “Why does he keep reacting even though I explain?” These questions are very common in parents’ everyday lives. Raising a child involves constant small decisions, and the balance between understanding and boundaries is not always easy. Today we know how important it is to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":2863,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nea-en"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3000"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3002,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3000\/revisions\/3002"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2863"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3000"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3000"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ritsas-paidiatros.gr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3000"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Why do children need boundaries?<\/h2>\n
Acknowledging the feeling without removing the boundary<\/h2>\n
\n“there are limits to behaviour”.<\/strong><\/p>\nBoundaries don’t need to be harsh to be firm<\/h2>\n
When the child tests the boundaries<\/h2>\n
And when the tantrum comes?<\/h2>\n
Consequences are more valuable when they make sense<\/h2>\n
We don’t need to win every conflict<\/h2>\n
\nless direct control and more gradual taking on of responsibility<\/strong>.<\/p>\nWhat happens when parents disagree?<\/h2>\n
Parents make mistakes too<\/h2>\n
When do difficulties need more support?<\/h2>\n
The pediatrician as a partner for the family<\/h2>\n
Care and boundaries are not opposites<\/h2>\n